By Hans Stolfus

Australia is better than a packet of Dark Chocolate Tim Tams draped in vanilla bean ice cream. Haven’t been? Go. It’s that simple.

The beaches squeak, the countryside stuns, and the serenity lasts forever — just ask Darryl Kerrigan. As far as sports go, footie takes the specky, rugby makes my neck hurt, but is obviously tougher than Gridiron (American Football), cricket makes total sense 100 percent of the time, lawn bowling reminds me of curling in white pants on the surface of the sun, and beach volley is slowly but surely making a valiant return to the summer limelight thanks to some sick French Sports Coupes and French-sounding shampoos. Food and drink? Beers are inordinately expensive, so they must be that much better, snags (not shrimp) are thrown on the barbie, and marinated kangaroo tastes suspiciously delicious – I don’t care how cuddly and iconic they…